First (hmm) Great (Trades Descriptions Act) Western (Erm!)

So Long…Farewell….

I have a friend who is off to Gibraltar for two years today. On Wednesday he was going to jump on a train from North Camp (Farborough) to Reading so we could have a few beers and say cheerio. Train was due to leave North Camp at 21.29. By 21.45 I was at Reading station waiting…text from him saying it was delayed until 21.54…that was the time of the next scheduled service. Ok, he can still get that….what do I do, well a) I needed to powder my nose (sorry, if you need to pee you can’t use the toilets at that time in Reading station, they are all shuttered up) and then b) still needing nose powdering, nearest powdery nose place was the Three Guineas, could be worse.

Nose powdered, glass of wine bought…TEXT “f**king saying it’s 22.12 now!” Hmm, I could sense a little tenseness from this text!!

I called National Rail Enquiries 08457 48 49 50, after the numerous options I get through:

Me: “Hello, can you please tell me when the 21.29 from North Camp will be arriving”

NRE: “Where is North Camp?”

Me: “Farnborough”

NRE: “The next train from Farnborough is….”

Me: (I interrupt) There are two stations in Farnborough, I want North Camp

NRE: “Oh”

Me: “My friend was at the station to catch the 21.29, he is still there, what is the reason for the delay?”

NRE: ” The train is delayed by 59 mins”

Me: “Can you tell me why this is?”

NRE: “No”

Me: “Surely you must know why a train has been delayed by an hour and what happened to the intermittent train?”

NRE: “No I can’t, there is no information”

Me: ” I have to say I am surprised at the lack of information and the poor service and the fact that my friend has been waiting there for over 45 mins and you have no explanation”

SILENCE

Me: ” Hello, are you there?…..Can you speak to me?”

NRE: ” Yes I am here I was nodding in agreement with you”

Me: ” I am talking to you on the phone I cannot see you… nodding doesn’t help”

SILENCE (I presumed more nodding was taking place)

NRE: ” Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “Erm, I think not”

TEXT “Fed up, pissed off, cold, wet, going home”

Thank you First Great Western for our farewell drink.

Chink Chink cheers to you!

I wonder if they’ll pay for my flight to Gibraltar?

SILENCE

Is that them nodding???

Whizz on Wizz Air

I vowed a few years ago that never again would I venture on board a lo-cost airline and then this weekend I found myself boarding a Wizz Air plane destined for Zagreb from Lorraine Chases’ Luton airport.

I haven’t had the pleasure of traversing the concourses of Luton airport for some years and was actually a seemless exercise. I grabbed a paper and a coffee, made my way to the departure gate, one of the last to board and bagged an aisle seat in row 3…result.

The aircraft was pleasantly not designed by the Little Tikes team (unlike the Ryan Air fleet). Leather seat and a decent seat pitch and the crew suitably attired and very pretty (male readers take note!!) not adorned in fluorescent orange only to be subdued by wearing the darkest of designer shades.

Only one walk past with the trolley for refreshments and not bombarded with hi shrills from the cabin crew if I would like a manky old £5 sandwich, goods from the in-flight magazine and any other money grabbing scheme.

All of the above for the average return flight around £50, I have to say Wizz Air was win air and I would more than happily use them again….oh hang on I am!

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